Ok so this is one of those amazing stories that isn’t mine, but I got permission to retell. And trust me, you’re going to want to read this. For once, someone told a dating story that’s right up there with mine.
I was on a first date a few weeks ago, and we were having a fun time getting to know each other over drinks and French fries on a sunny patio. What a perfect way to commemorate one of the first truly warm, sunny days of spring!
I forget how it came up, but I mentioned that I have a dating blog and I described the parameters of it. Maya asked me if she would end up in it, and I laughed and told her that no, sorry…you’re too normal. (Which is a good thing!) Her eyes glinted and she grinned. She then said she had some stories that could compete with mine.
Like this one.
The time she showed up for a first date to go hiking. And her date did as well. With a six foot fucking python in the backseat of her car. This woman will henceforth be known as Python Girl, or PG.
Yep, I’ll let that sink in. Because unlike her, us readers can take a pause to say out loud, “what the fucking fuck. What would I do?! What did SHE do!?!?”
Maya is my hero. She went on the date. She sat in the front seat of the car while PG drove and she eyed the uncaged snake. Well I guess it had a cage…if you count its basket. Because of course it has its own fucking basket to hang out in.
The snake was described as one that ‘rarely strikes.’
Upon arrival to the park, PG wrapped the snake around her and started off down the path. Barefoot…because in addition to the snake around her, she needed to be connected to the earth at all times. Or is it Earth in this instance? Good god is my judgy kicking in!
Maya was a good sport, and kept up conversation as they hiked along. Oncoming hikers would smile, and then notice the snake, and give a wide berth. Maya kept on smiling and pretending it was normal…while keeping her own distance due to her own nerves around snakes.
Eventually the hike ended, and they drove back to the woman’s home to sit and enjoy the sunshine in her backyard. PG plopped down across from Maya, at which point Maya noticed that she was “criss cross applesauce, skirt no panties.” This got Maya itching to leave. Finally PG admitted that she sleeps in the same bed as the snake. “He likes my warmth.”
Maya was finally done with PG. She got outta there and didn’t look back.
Ssssmart.
datelaughterz 