So as I have alluded to, I have had one very long term relationship. One that lasted from 17 – 25. It involved years of love, a deep friendship, a Canadian divorce, and a called-off American wedding. Needless to say, that took years to recover from, and may explain some of my bad attempts at a relationship.
That formula of it takes half the relationship to recover? I actually believe that’s pretty close.
Anywho. As you may imagine, getting back out there for the first time was rough. Like, really rough. I hadn’t dated since I was 17…and I wouldn’t exactly call what I was doing at 17 actual dating. When I took the plunge back into the crazy world of dating, I was am American living in Canada. Normally I think that’s pretty innocuous. But…this was during the Bush years, so Americans were pretty hated up there. Naturally, I tried to date a Canadian.
My first date came from Plenty of Fish. When I tried match.com, I literally had zero matches…and my standards were LAX. PoF it was! The guy was cute, outdoorsy, and seemed genuinely nice.
Turns out, two out of those three were true in real life. Guess which one was missing?
Nailed it: the cute part. Turns out his pics were about 10 years old. Kinda makes me think of the entry that started this whole blog venture!
Our date was to a movie. I can’t remember what it was, but it was supposed to be a comedy. We both laughed a lot.
At totally different parts.
Hmm. I was a bit wary of this situation. Were our senses of humor THAT different?
Also. He laughed like a fucking hyena and I wished for no more funny scenes after about 20 minutes in.
Afterwards, we decided to go to dinner. Back in the day, I actually ate meat, so we went to a BBQ joint. We awkwardly talked until dinner arrived and I dove in. And by dove in, I mean it—I soon had sauce running down my chin. I was a bit embarrassed so asked him to hand me a napkin while I kept my chin covered with my hands. He teased me with the napkin, saying that he wouldn’t give it over until I showed him how messy I was. At first I thought he was joking so I laughed and said no, please just give me the napkin. Then I realized he really wasn’t going to hand it over until I moved my hands. This really annoyed me but I kept the outward annoyance to a minimum and just scarfed my food so we could get out of there faster.
The ending was abysmal. He asked for a hug (after, I kid you not, making several anti-American jokes in a row and hyena-laughing his ass off while I just did small smiles). My response to the hug request was to say ‘that’s all you’re getting.’
But he didn’t get the hint (or I guess blatant spelling out of we aren’t going anywhere).
I realized I would indeed have to spell this all out. So I typed up a message over PoF saying that I was too recently out of my relationship and that it’s not you it’s me and blah blah blah good luck with life. My bestie then walked over to my apartment and we headed to Dairy Queen to commiserate on how much dating sucks.
On the way over, I got a phone call. From the guy.
My friend looked at me and said ‘so you know you’re letting that go to voicemail…and then we are going to listen to that on speaker, right?’
She then got her ab workout for the week listening to his high pitched voice squeak out that he couldn’t believe our relationship was over and he would do anything to make it work and can we pretty please with a cherry on top at least be friends?
I came home to a desperate email that echoed the voicemail.
Here’s some free advice: after one date, if you’re not both on the same page by a lot…let it go. Do you really want to spend the rest of the relationship chasing?
Does rejection suck? Hell yes. I should know. If even my dog looks at someone else for attention, I feel rejected. So believe me, I get rejection and being sensitive. But sometimes you just need to let things slide, especially that early on.
Because when it works, it’s easy and it’s the most perfect thing you can imagine.
And we will all get to where we need to be with that feeling.